How to Negotiate with Clients: The Art of Getting What You Want Without Being a Dick About It

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Three months ago, I watched a colleague blow a $50K deal because he couldn't stop himself from being "right" about delivery timelines. The client wanted something unreasonable—sure—but instead of finding middle ground, he went full professor mode, explaining why their request was "logistically impossible" and "clearly not thought through properly."

The client walked. Obviously.

That's when it hit me: most of us are absolutely terrible at negotiating because we think it's about winning arguments instead of solving problems together.

The Problem With How We're Taught to Negotiate

Here's the thing that drives me mental about traditional negotiation training. Everyone bangs on about "preparation" and "knowing your BATNA" (best alternative to a negotiated agreement, for those playing along at home). All very academic. Very business school.

But nobody talks about the fact that 67% of negotiations fail because someone gets their ego bruised in the first five minutes.

I learned this the hard way during my early days consulting in Perth. Had this mining client who wanted a complete training overhaul for 200 staff members. Big money. Should've been straightforward.

Instead, I spent twenty minutes explaining why their current approach was "fundamentally flawed" and how my methodology was "evidence-based and superior."

Guess what happened? They thanked me for my time and went with someone else. Someone who probably nodded a lot and said "interesting perspective" instead of making them feel like idiots.

Why Australian Businesses Struggle With This

We've got this weird cultural thing where being direct is considered honest, but being collaborative is somehow seen as weak. It's like we think good negotiation means being tougher than the other person.

Wrong. Dead wrong.

The best negotiators I know—and I'm talking about people closing million-dollar deals consistently—they're the ones who make everyone feel smart. They ask questions like they genuinely don't know the answers. They say things like "help me understand your position" instead of "here's why you're wrong."

The Three-Question Framework That Actually Works

Forget everything you think you know about negotiation tactics. Here's what I use now, and it's embarrassingly simple:

Question 1: "What would success look like for you?" Not "what do you want" but what does winning actually mean to them. Sometimes what they're asking for isn't really what they need.

Question 2: "What are you most worried about?" This is where the real conversation starts. Most client demands come from fear—fear of going over budget, fear of missing deadlines, fear of looking stupid to their boss.

Question 3: "What if we could solve that concern while also achieving X?" The magic question. You're not dismissing their worry or steamrolling their position. You're building a bridge.

I used this approach last month with a Sydney client who insisted on a training program that was frankly overkill for their team size. Instead of explaining why they were wrong, I asked about their concerns.

Turns out they'd been burned by a previous provider who delivered generic content that didn't stick. They weren't really asking for more training—they were asking for confidence that this time would be different.

Completely changed the conversation.

The Power of Strategic Incompetence

Here's something that might sound counterintuitive: sometimes the best thing you can do in a negotiation is admit you don't understand something.

"I'm probably missing something here, but can you walk me through how you see this working?"

"You obviously know your business better than I do—what am I not seeing?"

"This might be a stupid question, but..."

I call it strategic incompetence. You're not actually being incompetent—you're creating space for the other person to be the expert. And people love being the expert.

Plus, half the time when someone explains their position more deeply, they talk themselves into a more reasonable approach anyway.

When to Stand Your Ground (And How to Do It Right)

Look, I'm not saying you should roll over for every unreasonable demand. There are times when you need to hold firm on your position. But there's a difference between standing your ground and being a stubborn arse about it.

Good boundary setting sounds like: "I understand why that timeline is important to you. Based on my experience with similar projects, here's what typically happens when we rush this particular phase..."

Bad boundary setting sounds like: "That's impossible. No way. Won't work."

See the difference? Same message, completely different energy.

Effective communication training really comes into play here—it's not just what you say, but how you frame it that determines whether someone hears "experienced professional guidance" or "difficult vendor making excuses."

The Melbourne Cafe Test

I've got this little test I use to check whether I'm negotiating properly. I call it the Melbourne cafe test, because let's face it, Melbourne takes its cafe culture seriously.

If the conversation I'm having with my client couldn't reasonably happen between two friends sorting out dinner plans at a good cafe, then I'm probably being too formal or too adversarial.

Friends don't bulldoze each other into decisions. Friends don't score points off each other. Friends figure out solutions that work for everyone.

Obviously business negotiations have higher stakes than choosing between Italian or Thai food, but the basic dynamic should feel collaborative, not combative.

The One Thing Nobody Tells You About Pricing Conversations

Here's where most people completely lose their minds: talking money.

We get all weird and apologetic about our prices, or we go the opposite direction and become defensive about them. Neither works.

The secret? Treat pricing like a design constraint, not a moral judgment.

"Given your budget parameters, here are three ways we could approach this..."

"If cost is the primary consideration, we could structure it like this..."

"To hit that price point, we'd need to adjust scope in these areas..."

You're not defending your prices. You're not apologising for them. You're problem-solving within the constraints they've given you.

Why I Stopped Using Negotiation "Tactics"

For years, I collected negotiation tactics like Pokemon cards. Anchoring, mirroring, the flinch, strategic silence—all that stuff you read about in business books.

And you know what? Most of it made me feel like a manipulative wanker.

The turning point came during a negotiation skills workshop I attended in Brisbane. The facilitator made this point that's stuck with me: if you need tricks to get what you want, maybe what you want isn't fair in the first place.

Now I focus on understanding what both sides actually need, then figuring out creative ways to deliver that. Much less exhausting than trying to remember which psychological technique to deploy next.

The Follow-Up That Seals Everything

Here's something that separates good negotiators from great ones: what happens after you reach agreement.

Most people shake hands (virtually or otherwise) and move on. Big mistake.

The best negotiators I know always do what I call the "understanding check":

"Just so I'm clear, we've agreed that..." "From your perspective, the key success metrics are..." "If something comes up that we haven't anticipated, we'll..."

It sounds bureaucratic, but it's actually the opposite. You're making sure everyone's genuinely on the same page before you start working together. Saves massive headaches later.

What This Really Comes Down To

Look, at the end of the day, negotiation isn't about getting one over on someone. It's about finding solutions that let everyone sleep well at night.

The clients I've worked with for years—the ones who refer new business, who extend contracts, who actually implement what we agree on—they're not the ones I "won" against in negotiations. They're the ones where we figured out how to make something work for everyone.

That might sound naive in today's cut-throat business environment, but I've seen enough negotiations go sideways to know that short-term "wins" usually turn into long-term headaches.

Better to spend a bit more time upfront making sure everyone feels heard and respected. The deals that come out of those conversations tend to stick.

And honestly? They're a lot more fun to work on too.

The Bottom Line

Good negotiation isn't about being the smartest person in the room or having the best tactics. It's about being genuinely curious about what the other person needs, being creative about solutions, and being honest about what you can and can't deliver.

Everything else is just noise.

Try the three-question framework next time you're in a tricky conversation with a client. Ask what success looks like for them, what they're worried about, and how you might solve their concerns while achieving your goals too.

You might be surprised how often you can find common ground when you're actually looking for it.

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